Hypocrisy

I am but a person, surrounded by other persons and people I do not even know. I watch these figures from my seat on my foreign bed out my window that gives me an aerial view that is fantastically beautiful, which I enjoy yet hate all the same. You can’t help but wonder about these people, and them as persons, and you as a person. The mystery. People. So completely and utterly unusual which is the most usual of all and it makes sense that nothing makes sense at all.

Sparkle sparkle glinting in the sun, as beautiful as you are I’d like to rip you down. I am not ready for all the gay festivity. Hand me my camera and let me take the world by storm, let me explore, let me exploit and continue to seek non-existent understanding about people as persons and how I myself fit into what I inevitably am.

Follow the joy which is never the same. The thousand suns of joy and the thousand grounds of black and blissful unhappiness. Let the wonderment continue and statements be taken as questions. Find ways to build yourself up by wearing that clinging top, butt-complimenting jeans or stunning red high heels that hurt your feet but you wish were comfortable because they make you feel amazing.

Make yourself feel amazing. You deserve to feel amazing and you are the only person who is ever going to be able to compliment you like that. Don’t seek the approval of others because they are not you, they are not the same persons, their minds work in different ways and don’t even try to understand what that is because you know you don’t understand how yours works anyway and that is the only one you ever had a chance of figuring out in the first place.

Fall to cravings and impulses but learn to hold strong when your brain and your gut tell you no. And in theory not even when your brain tells you no but just when your gut confirms that you should do what you are about to do or not do what you think you ought to do. Somehow your gut knows more than the rest of your freakish senses combined. You really almost don’t even need your head. What good does it do you anyway?

Listen to these words I am not saying to you but my eyes speak. I know you will always misconstrue them, as you misconstrue all that my body speaks. You will never understand me and that person doesn’t exist I am somehow just that odd and unintentionally that non-conforming to the rest of what is perceived to be usual or common for people to be persons and have similar desires, needs, wants and ways of retaining all of that.

I’ll simply just stretch my sore arms out long while sprawled out on my back, the wood railing hitting my shoulders as my mind contemplates all that I see and spins in foggy circles.

There is not enough I can write on all the topics popping into my head, not enough that I contemplate clearly and coherently (if such a thing truly exists). I can spit out on my theories on humanity and our ways and how what we construe as abnormal is really more normal that we think normal is, and how our words can change meaning without meaning them too, all because we do not have the same minds. We try to be one, we rely on one another to be whole, but really we are all tiny specs completely unrelated trying to force something that can never be there but we trick ourselves into thinking it can be. Yet we all float about in space only gravity attaching our feet to what we seem to walk upon if walking is really what we are doing at all. And here I am referring to people as one single entity. When of course I just got threw saying that is not so.

And I stick by all my words.

Everything I say I believe is true, unless I am lying, which I will honestly say I sometimes do. Which just increases the hypocrisy I am encased in that seems to surround every single being in humanities vast races. Lies, everyone hates lies but everyone has lied. Anyone that says differently is lying. But really what is lying? Only mentally changing a known truth to more people that those that have created the said lie. And I know now you, the reader, yes I have been talking to you this whole damn time, incase you hadn’t managed to fucking figure that out, think that I am crazy now. But you really don’t know what crazy is. No one knows what all these inane words we constantly use to attempt communication (whether or not it is really necessary) really mean. Hell even the meaning of meaning could be anything. You only think you know what I mean with all these characters purposefully placed in specific order but really only I know what I kind of sort of think I am trying to mean? Or do I?

Music makes the most sense of everything. Even if I am incapable of making it, just listen to the sounds. Sounds sounds sounds sounds! Explain everything! They explain all we see, wonder about, want to write about because it is already written and make to sound and is probably as close to coherence as it would be possible to get.

The way the sunlight hits that one strip of grass. I am at the point where I feel like I can’t even use words anymore because these characters no longer mean anything but that is all I know how to do and all you know how to comprehend so I will carry on and begin, finally begin, keeping up with my so called none sense that I can just see you shaking your head at and correcting my grammar, punctuation and sentence structure even though I meant it to be exactly this way. Fuck you and your rules!

Your damn rules and confinements and you don’t even know anymore than I do. Why do I have to do what you say I should do? Why do your words mean more that mine? They are all the same just arranged differently. There is even the possibility that mine are more numerous than yours.

Fuck you and your stupid conventions. You don’t know why we use them either and there is nothing stopping me from writing like this. Nothing stopping me from speaking like this. So who are you to tell me what is incorrect or wrong. How do you even know what that is? You don’t. I know you don’t, because I don’t and you don’t actually know anymore than me.

This is probably the part of this that makes the most sense to you. But it shouldn’t be. Just so you know what is in my head does not match up with how I expect you to perceive these characters in all their full printed, and blasphemous glory.

I am almost trying to confuse you but really I want it to make sense, I want you think about what I am talking about as if I am right and you are wrong (in the commonly thought of sense of those two words).